Living an unhappy lifestyle only leads to a wasted life. Our Lives really are very short, so why waste a minute feeling upset about the things that you cannot control?
If you want to live a happier life, take note below of what unhappy people do, so you know what to avoid.
We all have negative tendencies and while we should all embrace every part of ourselves, we need to identify these and learn from them and adjust them instead of neglecting them. Don’t let your sadness linger.
1. They see only the negatives.
Unhappy people see only the negatives in life. Their whole outlook on life is that the world is a miserable place. They focus on things like what they don’t have and what is going wrong in their life and fail to see all the positives and blessings. This makes them unhappy people and pessimistic.
When faced with challenges in life, you shouldn’t focus on the negatives. Easier said than done you might think. How about instead if you encounter a failure or perceived negative situation you stop and really try looking at the potential positives coming out of a situation.
Have you gained anything out of this situation? What have you leaned for the next stage of life or project. Perhaps that lost job opportunity means you have a shot at a better job. Perhaps that financial hurdle taught you to budget better or the breakup taught you what you don’t want in your next partner.
Sometimes it may seem like there are only negative results especially when its fresh and hurting. However you can still find the positives and the sooner you do the better for your mental health and personal growth.
Just think, what have I gained from this experience? Has this taught you more about yourself and what you like? Has it provided you with the skills to be more prepared next time? You can always find a positive.
2. They focus on what they don’t have
Unhappy people believe that they need something they don’t have to be happier. They tend to focus on the negatives in life. Their focus is on the things they don’t have, making their everyday life seemingly dull and unsatisfying.
Unhappy people tell themselves, “if only I had this job, I’d be happier” or “if only I had more time, I could focus on my real talents”.
Maybe it would be better if you had a different job or you had more time on your hands. But that shouldn’t stop you from living in the now. If you did get that dream job, there will always be something more you want e.g more money, more time and so on.
You need to remember instead to focus on what you do have, or what is good in your current situation. Write it down. You will get quite a list. Do you have great friends and family around you? Do you have a roof over your head and money so you can pay bills? Use that time and energy spent on dreaming about a different life and channel it into enjoying what you already have and watch things start to turn around.
3. They seek approval from others.
Unhappy people look for happiness in the wrong places. They can be caught in the trap of trying to please others, in an effort to gain approval. They spend their time focusing on what others think of them, when they should really be focusing on themselves.
Seeking approval from others is something we should refrain from doing. You can’t always gain approval from others, nor can you tailor your beliefs to suit them. You will only find dissatisfaction in this. To be happy you must put yourself and your beliefs first. Do what makes you happy and not what you fell others will approve of. Then you will shine.
4. They don’t take responsibility.
Instead of taking responsibility, unhappy people blame others when something goes wrong., They will point their finger at someone or something else. They might say something like, “If it wasn’t for Billy, I wouldn’t have missed my appointment and be having to pay a fine” or “It’s not my fault the system is set up like that and I can’t work it out”.
By pointing the finger at someone or something else, you are unable to admit you are the one making an error. What you should be doing is taking responsibility for your own failings. Otherwise you will find that the blaming circle spirals out of control and you are blaming everything on someone else. Accept when you are wrong and learn from your mistakes. You cannot learn if you don’t see where you are at fault.
5. They need to be in control of everything.
Unhappy people believe that by having full control, they have the ability to stop any negative side effects. They have an almost compulsive need to feel like they are in control and they want to know every detail, to help enable them to get that perceived full control.
But those who are happy know and have found peace with the knowledge that you cannot control everything. Life is uncertain and unpredictable, meaning you cannot prepare against everything. People will do things all the time that are unpredictable and situations can change in an instant.
When you go into full control mode, you waste too much energy trying to maintain things how you feel they should be going. In the end, things often adjust and change and your efforts are wasted and you end up dissappointed. So don’t spend all your time focusing on every detail. Accept that you cannot control everything. Try and plan your best and let whatever happens, happen.
6. They don’t follow their heart.
Unhappy people tend to think about things logically, using their brain and not their heart. They ignore their gut instinct and choose to think things through, weighing out the pros and cons until they convince themselves not to do what their hearts calling them too.
Yet what do those who are successful and thriving in life tell us? They would tell you to follow your heart to be happy. A happy and fulfilled heart is the key to your happiness. Sure do your pros and cons so you know what you’re up against but don’t let them overrule your gut instinct. You should trust your heart and spirit to guide you to what you want and ultimately need from your life.
7. They very seldom take risks.
Unhappy people have a habit of not taking risks. So when they are handed an opportunity they often decline the invite, or find excuses not to participate. This then sets off a circle of disappointment as they hear back of the successful outcomes and know they have missed out on something they would have enjoyed.
For example, someone may ask them if they want to go out for dinner at the weekend. An unhappy person’s first response would tend to be, “its not really my thing” or “I can’t afford it”, or a comment on how “food they have not made themselves is a risk” Their own fears stop them from taking that opportunity, thus not taking a risk.
The problem with this is the more you decline, the more fearful a situation becomes. As a by product, the person presenting the opportunity then may also be more hesitant to invite them again and they then get left out of future invitations.
You need to let go and take some risks to be happy. Saying no to life’s opportunities only stops you from living a full life. So don’t let excuses hold you back from experiences, if you can do it, why not give it a whirl.
8. They hold on to grudges.
Unhappy people don’t let go of grudges and instead hold onto painful memories and relive them. They ask themselves questions like “What if…” and “Why did this happen?”. Those carrying grudges find it hard to connect with people and especially those they feel have wronged them and find it difficult to forgive them. Instead they choose to dwell on what others have done and the hurt they have felt and wear it like a banner.
There is no benefit to let something in the past take over your life today. You should never be unhappy dwelling on something someone has done to you. It might have been unfair and totally unjustified. You might have wished you had said or acted differently, or that the wronged person would apologise. But thinking this way is not going to help you feel any happier.
Don’t let someone else’s actions or words control how you feel today. You are the one that will suffer by holding onto this painful memory. It is taking up precious space in your head for the positive thoughts. Learn from it and learn and strive to forgive, because otherwise it will turn you into a victim and rule you. You don’t deserve that, you deserve to be happy every day.
9. They hang around the wrong crowd.
Unhappy people draw in others of a like mind. It is said that the energy you give out is what you tend to attract, thus negative people attract more negative people to themselves. Being around negative people will lower your mood and give you a more sombre outlook on life. Sadly too, negative people also repel positive people. The very people who could help them to improve their outlook and get out of their negative mindset.
So simply put, if you want to be happy, don’t let yourself be surrounded by negative people. Negative people will drain your energy and influence you into a even more negative attitude. Instead encourage the positive people in your world to be around you, people who will spur you on, not focus on the negatives.
10. They don’t enjoy the present.
Unhappy people spend time focusing on what they don’t have and the negative experiences they have had. Because they are lost in a spiral of their bitter memories or worries about the future, they are unable to focus and be present in this moment. With their thoughts preoccupying them, they are unable to have fun and let go.
True happiness is found only living in the present moment. People need to be able to have fun and enjoy life today and capture the joy in activity in which they are actively engaged. What happened in the past, or what may happen in the future, does not matter. You should enjoy this time right now. Get involved in conversation around you or simply watch those around you who are living well, have a go. Seek to enjoy this very moment you are in.